do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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