I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
