Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
