I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Swine flu is the new snow day.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
