hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
