this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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