I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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