ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize