Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
