he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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