dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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