I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
