I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
