Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
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