I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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