Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
