Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
