xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
