I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You are a genius and a whore.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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