I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
