I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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