We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
