my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
