get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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