A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
