her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
