did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
