I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
