i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
