1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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