i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
