Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
