Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Randomize
