NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
