i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
