sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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