The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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