woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
