gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
