okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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