yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
