The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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