You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
