can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
