One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
