so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
nutella sex= disaster
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
