I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
