In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize