3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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