You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
