the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
one might say we're banned from that church
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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