that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize