I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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