So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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