Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
