what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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