Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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