She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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