in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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