why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
