woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just gift wrapped bread.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i think my cat just said my name.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
